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Why is it that birds are quickly sold when they come up on the transfer market? They tend to go cheep!
What did the wife say to the undertaker when he started hitting his broken down car? Stop beating a dead hearse!
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist ? Tooth Hurty !
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit Will you get out of my hair !
What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter? Coloured eggrolls!
A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning." "Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or ambulance?"
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today." She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States."
A Nun and her friend, Sarah were playing golf. Sarah misses a 3 foot putt and yells, "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the nun says, "If you keep saying that then God will punish you." Next hole Sarah misses a 2 foot putt and says "Goddamn it, missed the bugger!" and the nun says, "ONE more time Sarah, and God will punish you!" Then Sarah misses a neoot putt and says "GOD DAMN IT!!!MISSED THE BUGGER!" Suddenly clouds form overhead. God comes down from Heaven and strikes the nun dead with a bolt of thunder. God says, "Goddamn it! Missed the bugger!"
Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth! Pupil: What?, and get bitten!
What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game? Mean-opoly.